The Night Before Mozilla’s Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even Josh Aas;
Now all of the Corp was hard working with care,
In hopes that Foxfire 3 soon would be there;
The community wrestled with Shaver’s huge head,
And even contended that Baker was dead;
Or sleeping at least, watching her stock,
Letting Brendan and Beard take care of the flock;
When out from the ‘sphere there arose such a clatter,
She sprang from her bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the blog they flew like a flash,
Contacted their sources in more than a dash.
No trace of this beast was there to show,
And who would chastise the great manifesto?
And then, to my wondering eyes did appear,
A miniature gallows, the hangmen quite near.
With this sideways-haired driver, so lively and quick,
I thought for a moment, “It must be Shaver, that prick.”
For never before had she moved with such speed,
Baker now called them to follow her lead;
“Now Blizzard! now, Schroepfer! now, Riley and Connor!
On Lilly! on, Hofmann! on, Boswell and Dotzler!
To the top of the web, to head off the breach!
Find him! Please find him! To you, I beseech!”
Then far off they went, to look low and high,
They’d find him and kill him, he’d finally die!
So all through the payroll, all through the valley,
They started the search, started the tally.
There were some who had left, some who were fired,
Others soon passing, many just tired.
Who dare leak the truths of the almighty jaeger?
Not Spitzer, not Reed, not even MacGregor.
But one of them must have been spreading these words,
One of them, two of them, maybe twothirds.
Blizzard pushed hard, the evangel of new,
Trying to distract from the contrary view.
Schroepfer was mad, all red in the face,
But no one could tell, wasn’t this always the case?
Riley sat quiet, as often he does,
Connor stopped shaving, and ugly it was.
Lilly called foul, looked deep for the leak.
He threatened to fire anyone who did speak.
Hofmann, dead silent, saw all of it coming,
But would anyone listen after all of this numbing?
Boswell tried hard to appease all the projects,
Dotzler just bitched — he was very perplexed.
Had they all done their jobs, distracted the masses?
Baker was proud of Shaver’s new asses.
But look! Up above! What’s that they all see?
A bird! No, a plane! No, a Lizard that’s free!
Spreading the truth, killing the lies,
Bringing joy to all and soon a surprise!
And as he flew by, with a fire in his mouth,
He shouted these words, east, west, north, and south:
“I’ve yelled and I’ve moaned, I’ve spread mounds of truth,
But more now is coming, this is only my youth!
You won’t find your leak, as hard as you try,
Go home to your families, Christmas is nigh!”
He hovered above us, seemed ready to leave,
Then took off toward Eden, a card up his sleeve.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”