The Truth about Mozilla

Mozilla’s Gratitude Humbly Accepted

Posted in Mozilla by The Lizard on January 12, 2008

You’re welcome, Paul.

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RIP Mitchell Baker

Posted in Mozilla by The Lizard on January 7, 2008

We knew ye all too well, even if we never saw you.

All hail our “new” overlord John Lilly, an asshole waiting to be treated like one.

More from your faithful Lizard later.

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Dear TechCrunch

Posted in Mozilla by The Lizard on January 7, 2008

To the half-witted moron at TechCrunch who decided to publish the Lizard’s recent exclusive regarding the Fight Against Boredom viral marketing campaign,

Please, please, please read the sites you link to. This blog is not, as you say, a “fake blog complete with mocked up Mozilla criticisms that is pretending to report on the viral campaign as well.” I assure you, this blog is real and its criticisms are valid. Before you fuck-ups attempt to report on another exclusive, check your sources and confirm they are indeed who you say they are. Responsible journalism appears to be dead and gone in today’s world.

It is now painfully clear to your fearless truth-telling reptilian why the world keeps falling for the bullshit Mozilla dishes out; “astute” journalists and their readers are too dumb to tell that a controversial blog airing Mozilla’s dirty laundry is not a part of a “viral marketing campaign.”

Mr Riley, no one appreciates bad journalism. Please retract that part of your blog post.

At least the journalists over at Computer World didn’t horribly misrepresent this blog.

Mozilla to Announce the “Fight Against Boredom” Marketing Campaign

Posted in Mozilla by The Lizard on January 7, 2008

Un-mentioned in the marketing team’s goals for 2008 is a new marketing program that will be launching this week.

Mozilla, dead set on retaining users, will launch a new online campaign called the “Fight Against Boredom.” This campaign is Mozilla’s first foray into viral marketing and represents a heavy investment from the open source company. Mozilla selected AKQA as the marketing firm to create this campaign.

As part of the campaign, Mozilla will release a video featuring internet stars such as Tay Zonday of “Chocolate Rain” fame and Leslie Hall of “Gem Sweater” fame singing a song about how un-bored Firefox users are. Additionally, Mozilla has created a Facebook application and a Facebook page that users can become fans of.

The video itself features the following stats, which state that, compared to IE users, Firefox users are:

  • 14% less likely to have sleeping disorders
  • 67% more likely to go mountain biking
  • 40% less likely to be widowed
  • 53% more likely to go hiking
  • 60% more likely to drink microbrew beer
  • 51% less likely to be an Accountant
  • 26% more likely to have gone to a live concert
  • 26% more likely to have seen live music
  • 45% more likely to have gone on a date
  • 36% more likely to play extreme sports
  • 76% more likely to have watched a foreign film
  • 21% more likely to have an espresso
  • 14% more likely to enjoy power weightlifting
  • 34% more likely to participate in snow sports
  • 6% more likely to practice yoga
  • 113% more likely to be a student
  • 139% more likely to go rock climbing
  • 17% more likely to be self-employed
  • 16% less likely to have fungal infections
  • 41% more likely to have watched a documentary
  • 36% more likely to participate in extreme sports
  • 69% more likely to be in the Arts & Entertainment industry

It ends with the call “Rise up and take action” and closes with the Firefox logo and text “Firefox Users Against Boredom.” Users are urged to visit fightagainstboredom.org for more information.

The video is available in Mozilla Create Director, John Slater’s “people” account. Download the 80 MB file now before they remove it.

In essence, what Mozilla is trying to do here is ride the fame of internet “stars” who have a following on YouTube, MySpace, and Facebook. While the Lizard has no doubt that this campaign will be successful simply due to the number of internet stars Mozilla tapped to make it possible, I do believe that this is a waste of Mozilla’s money and effort. Promoting Firefox is arguably a good thing, but doing it in such a lame way doesn’t truly convert users.

Really Mozilla, who’s going to believe Firefox users are 45% more likely to have gone on a date? Have you met one?

Mozilla in 2008: Marketing

Posted in Mozilla by The Lizard on January 6, 2008

Word on the streets of Mountain View, CA is that most of you thought the Lizard was far too kind to the web development team in the previous post. What the fuck is wrong with that truth-telling fire-breathing beast? Let us delve into the next department with a bit more cynicism…The Mozilla Corporation’s marketing team, led by VP of Marketing Paul Kim, have incredibly high hopes for 2008. Like true bullshitters marketers, their plans are full of marketspeak, a term used to describe pure bullshit in a manner acceptable to the NYTimes. Substance isn’t what marketers do.

Kim expects to take open source, the concept, “mainstream” in 2008 and make Mozilla “synonymous with a new and better way of doing business.” Merciful Allah, please help us. Mozilla is most definitely a new way of doing business. Better, however, is more subjective than Fox News. Did you catch that Mozilla? I just compared your “better” organization to one of the most corrupt ones in the media world today. I’m explaining that for you because most of you are too starry-eyed to see it. After all, what’s so new about canceling projects you’re not interested in?  Oh, right, in this “new and better” world of open-source corporations, you just spin those projects off to nebulous new entities and wash your hands.  Someone else gets the blood.

How will Kim take open source into the mainstream? By communicating in “new and effective ways.”

Hey Mozilla! Look over here! How about trying to communicate in the old, traditional ways first? Can you manage that? Didn’t think so. Guess there’s still a job for this old Lizard.

The past-tense story continues…

We inspired our earliest advocates with Firefox 3’s stellar new features and increased performance, and helped them help us spread the word across the Web. We developed a unique voice that was honest, optimistic and rooted in our public benefit mission to reach out to new users, and we re-engaged with lost users.

Wow. Wow. Stellar new features in Firefox 3? Increased performance? Has anyone seen a new feature that would really entice users to upgrade? Has anyone seen the graphs that show increased performance? What’s that sound? Crickets? And puh-lease. Your voice right now is anything but “honest.” You definitely need to work on developing that. Let’s see how far you get.

The small but growing team at Mozilla can’t accomplish this on their own, of course. Users all around the world will flock to the newly redesigned spreadfirefox.com where they’ll be expected to do something. What has SpreadFirefox done recently again? There was that NYTimes ad… Umm… Umm… Anyone?

Moving on…

We built a deep understanding of who our users are and why they’ve chosen Firefox to tap into the power of the web, and supported this with a full-fledged analytics program to support our decision-making and measurement of success. We made integrated, international marketing core to every program we launched to scale and build leverage into all our work.

Holy shit! You mean you don’t know who your users are yet, Mozilla? Even the Lizard thought you were less clueless than that. Have you never paid any attention to what your users want?

Overall, this document had very little substance to it. It’s incredibly hard to criticize or praise something that has no real substance to it. What the Lizard will say is that wasting the time of employees by declaring “days” for them doesn’t help Mozilla’s users or Mozilla’s cause.

To combat the utter lack of substance, the next post will take a brief break away from the Mozilla in 2008 series to discuss an upcoming marketing program.

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