The Truth about Mozilla

Mozilla in 2008: Marketing

Posted in Mozilla by The Lizard on January 6, 2008

Word on the streets of Mountain View, CA is that most of you thought the Lizard was far too kind to the web development team in the previous post. What the fuck is wrong with that truth-telling fire-breathing beast? Let us delve into the next department with a bit more cynicism…The Mozilla Corporation’s marketing team, led by VP of Marketing Paul Kim, have incredibly high hopes for 2008. Like true bullshitters marketers, their plans are full of marketspeak, a term used to describe pure bullshit in a manner acceptable to the NYTimes. Substance isn’t what marketers do.

Kim expects to take open source, the concept, “mainstream” in 2008 and make Mozilla “synonymous with a new and better way of doing business.” Merciful Allah, please help us. Mozilla is most definitely a new way of doing business. Better, however, is more subjective than Fox News. Did you catch that Mozilla? I just compared your “better” organization to one of the most corrupt ones in the media world today. I’m explaining that for you because most of you are too starry-eyed to see it. After all, what’s so new about canceling projects you’re not interested in?  Oh, right, in this “new and better” world of open-source corporations, you just spin those projects off to nebulous new entities and wash your hands.  Someone else gets the blood.

How will Kim take open source into the mainstream? By communicating in “new and effective ways.”

Hey Mozilla! Look over here! How about trying to communicate in the old, traditional ways first? Can you manage that? Didn’t think so. Guess there’s still a job for this old Lizard.

The past-tense story continues…

We inspired our earliest advocates with Firefox 3’s stellar new features and increased performance, and helped them help us spread the word across the Web. We developed a unique voice that was honest, optimistic and rooted in our public benefit mission to reach out to new users, and we re-engaged with lost users.

Wow. Wow. Stellar new features in Firefox 3? Increased performance? Has anyone seen a new feature that would really entice users to upgrade? Has anyone seen the graphs that show increased performance? What’s that sound? Crickets? And puh-lease. Your voice right now is anything but “honest.” You definitely need to work on developing that. Let’s see how far you get.

The small but growing team at Mozilla can’t accomplish this on their own, of course. Users all around the world will flock to the newly redesigned where they’ll be expected to do something. What has SpreadFirefox done recently again? There was that NYTimes ad… Umm… Umm… Anyone?

Moving on…

We built a deep understanding of who our users are and why they’ve chosen Firefox to tap into the power of the web, and supported this with a full-fledged analytics program to support our decision-making and measurement of success. We made integrated, international marketing core to every program we launched to scale and build leverage into all our work.

Holy shit! You mean you don’t know who your users are yet, Mozilla? Even the Lizard thought you were less clueless than that. Have you never paid any attention to what your users want?

Overall, this document had very little substance to it. It’s incredibly hard to criticize or praise something that has no real substance to it. What the Lizard will say is that wasting the time of employees by declaring “days” for them doesn’t help Mozilla’s users or Mozilla’s cause.

To combat the utter lack of substance, the next post will take a brief break away from the Mozilla in 2008 series to discuss an upcoming marketing program.

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  1. […] Marketing […]

  2. […] Filed under Mozilla &#183 Tagged fightagainstboredom, marketing, mozilla Un-mentioned in the marketing team’s goals for 2008 is a new marketing program that will be launching this […]

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