The Truth about Mozilla

Mozilla in 2008: Recruiting

Posted in Mozilla by The Lizard on December 26, 2007

The Lizard’s first look into the crystal ball reveals details of Mozilla’s recruiting intentions.

Are you friends with someone who works at Mozilla? Get ready! You’re about to be spammed!

Mozilla’s recruiting plans for the New Year include finding the “best/brightest people” that their employees have worked with or met and spamming them until they join Mozilla. As if that wasn’t enough, the group, led by Dan Portillo, will create a “wish list of high-impact hires” and begin the recruiting process on them. Look out Dave Hyatt, Joe Hewitt, Blake Ross, and Ben Goodger. Mozilla’s coming for you!

This team will also become educators at Mozilla. They’ll be creating a curriculum around “Open Standards”. Can we say “lame?” I think we can. Let’s say it together. Lame. Creating curriculum sounds like a job for the Evangelism team, but the Lizard doesn’t think anyone expects Shaver to do anything useful with that group. What does Mozilla hope to accomplish with the creation of this propaganda curriculum? Is this really the most effective way to reach its goal? Wait a damn second. What goal? Did Mozilla even set a goal for this work? Shit no! Why would they?

(I’ll be the first to volunteer writing a lesson plan. It shall be titled, Mozilla’s Fuck-up: A Twenty-Page Essay.)

Portillo and his gang will also work hard on retention. With more and more key, long-time employees taking off, I can see why someone needs to think about retaining the ones stupid enough to stay.

What will they do? “Problem solving competitions, movie nights, [and] a softball league” are some ideas.

Holy fuck. A softball league! Why didn’t I think of that? That’s going to keep Mozilla’s star pupils around. Definitely. Who the fuck thinks of these things? It doesn’t take a genius to know what people want in a good employer. Movie nights? Softball? Bitch, please. Benefits? Money? Maybe. Honesty? Transparency? Hot damn, we’re getting somewhere! Not screwing over the community that’s supported your rise to power? Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

How about trying to be less evil this coming year, Mozilla?

Tagged with: , ,